


What They have done for me

by Tarkana



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-11-29 13:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/687611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarkana/pseuds/Tarkana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you'd like a little peek inside into my world of what they (Adam and Tommy) have helped me through and why they mean so much to me here`s a note i typed up. Please do not share this beyond here. This is a very personal matter but i want to share with all my friends what Adam has helped me through.</p><p>I realized the previous "Chapter" only explained what they helped me through but not really how they helped me. So i have uploaded both the "what they helped me through" and "what they actually did for me"</p><p>Please feel free to read comments are welcome if you'd like and if you have twitter i would be ok with this being tweeted to Adam though i doubt it would do anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The main thing that brought me to Adam and Tommy was hearing Adams song on the radio at work when i first started my job at Staples in July of 2011. The song was stuck in my head - the lyrics, i had no idea who it was that sang the song or the name of the song. But i went home after about two weeks of listening to it and wanting to know who it was to finally look it up and realized that i was listening to Adam lambert, a name i had heard a few times from family members and friends telling me i would like this person on Idol (without having cabel or a TV to watch i had no idea who they were talking about) Anyway heres the basic story of everything that was going on around the time that i really needed something to give me strength; Which i finally drew from Adam and Tommy.....

My Mother is currently sore having 5 staples in her stomach, 12 stitches in her head but shes resting and healing really well; actually got to leave the hospital early by a day whither because she refused to follow some of the docs orders or because she was just that well is another story, but they did allow her to leave so shes well enough for that. She spends most of her days laying down in bed which is understandable when you’re doped up on 6 different medications, a metal plate in your head plus having just come out of a VP Shunt surgery. (This all happened on the 19th of December; due to ongoing issues for the past five years..... She has been bedridden for the past 5 years (come april) due to Chronic Daily headaches. she was pretty strong and definitely one of the fiercest and bravest woman I know and although mum and I never got along for various reasons, watching her go through periods of complete blindness, 7 MRI's, 3 CT-Scans, 2 biopsy's, having a inflammatory tumour removed from behind her eye, 2 Spinal Taps and a Shunt done to have a titanium plate inserted into her brain after draining fluid directly from her skull; I have come close on a few occasions to possibly losing her, and watching her go from everything to nothing and then to lose her all together; well, its been rough lol. I show the strong positive daughter who is supportive and helpful in raising Rachel when able but inside and under the facade i just want to curl up and cry; i want to be that 7 year old daughter that could curl up with her mother when she was sick and have her tell me everything will be ok. I've watched her crumble and fall apart, Cry, and fall over; even go so far as to give up on herself. She is lost, scared and helpless with no idea what is causing all the issues and although i am doing everything i can; inside i feel the same and I'm screaming for everything to just stop. I don't know what to do and i feel helpless because of it. Although with the Recent Surgery to have the VP Shunt done (a drainage tube from her brain to a drainage section in her lower abdomen) She says her headaches are gone it seems and other then discomfort which we think is from the tubing.... its looking possitive; now just need to confirm that she had functioning kidneys again as the medication she was on was something for Cancer patients before and it was dropping her kidney functions down really fast on top of the hypo thyrod issue she has and the above mentioned details. 

Near the end of October i ended up working full time for a month and a half due to the Copy lead of the department where i work being fired for various reasons, they had no one available right away to cover the position so they asked that i fill in and do what i could. During this time i also found an email account that Rob (my Fiancé) had created and was linking to various dating/sexual sites such as Plenty of Fish, Craigslist and many others. All of the accounts had bios stating he was single and looking for a quick fling to teach him how to “properly please a woman”. Turns out that it was all a ploy to make me think/feel he was cheating on me so that i could feel something he has felt under the impression he got from a friend of mine a few years ago. (a lot of my spousal issues go back between 4-5 years of the entire 6.5 years we’ve been together) Anyway long story short on that one he was pissed off that i was going to support some friends id made during my “me time” once a week (every Thrusday night i went to a LGBT Support Bar) which he wasnt happy with on top of various other issues. During this time Rob was kicked off welfare as i was making too much money from working “full time” and also because he never handed in the last reporting card that has to go in by the 16th of each month to determine what the next amount you’ll get is. After getting kicked off i got dropped back down to part time work with Staples near the end of Nov, start of Dec. Course at this point we are almost 5 months behind on rent owing them a good $4500 to which my 10-20 hours a week cant cover, Rob is unable to get/find a job due to his poor resume, and since we were kicked of welfare we need to wait until start of Jan before we can reapply to get social Assistance which rob hasnt even begone to look into and we had a hearing on the 8th to see whither we can work out a payment plan to pay off the rent we owe while still living in our home otherwise we will be evicted with no money to get another home, poor credit due to being evicted under lack of paying rent on top of the fact that we have no family/friends in the area who could take us or would want to take us in. A lot of offers we do get is one of those “you can come but he cant” or “shes not welcome here”. On top of the whole fact that we moved from a 3 bedroom 3 floor townhouse into a 2 bedroom apartment, to then move into a single room ...well we have to much stuff and we cant afford/get a storage unit because we need a drivers licence for that which neither of us have and again going back to the lack of money. We were able to get on a payment plan however if we are short even a dollar we will be terminated from our tenancy and we will have no notice beyond the cops showing up with an eviction notice.

And it has recently come to my attention that while hes not getting the emails to his new account it might be possible that he is still visiting the other sites due to the fact that i have seen most recently in his internet history that he was visiting pof and craigslist. So i really dont know but he also has no job sites on his history which is what i was looking for to see if he was actually looking for a job or putting it off like nearly everything else. We have come close on about 4 or 5 times actually ending the relationship since October and yet we are supposed to be getting married this oct coming up. somehow i dont see that happening for various reasons; we are working out our issues right now but its still thin ice and of course having no money to afford a wedding lol. Every time we end up in a money situation were we fall behind we tend to lash out at each other for various things; its just recently that he actually did the emotional abuse section stated above... trying to teach me a lesson basically. All in all, i have needed to draw strength from everyone around me whom almost all have their own issues; it is by listening to Adam daily that i have found the strength to keep moving forward and look towards something brighter. Tommy has been a shining star of support and watching him grow and be honest to himself no matter what, its really refreshing. And for the record; Rachel is my 3yr old sister. a Miracle baby as with all mums medications should should not have been able to carry. During the birth mum had to have steroids as well as spending about three weeks in the hospital to make sure Rachel was healthy and fully developed because of all the different very strong drugs they had my mother on trying to figure out what was wrong with her.


	2. Chapter 2

The previous "chapter" explains just the tip of the iceberg that Adam and Tommy have helped me through. They have become my strength, my pillars of support and so much more. I have managed to stand tall, walk bravely and like Adam says "walk that walk like you don't give a fuck". Through everything i can say that i probably would have crumbled, fallen apart and maybe not even be here. I realize so many people say that ... without adam i would have committed suicide. Without adam i wouldnt be so outspoken as i am today. And i dont wish to sound cliche and repetitive, i've never fully contemplated suicide in my recent years and i was always outspoken with those who didnt matter. What i mean when i say i probably wouldnt be here is that i probably would have shut into myself and withdrawn from everything going around me. Continue taking the emotional, physical and mental abuse and just get to the point where i wouldnt care about anything. but with Adam i have learned to love those around me for their faults and i feel stronger because of him. Tommy has reminded me that no matter how harsh, true and being yourself can actually be it can also show just how much you love and are hurting. 

I dont think anyone truly knows exactly what everyone else is going through, we all judge and assume but really its always so much more. i probably show that i dont care to everyone, in fact my own family on many occasions doesnt bother keeping me up to date due to the fact that i dont seem to really care. it actually hurts, so much. Recently my grandma was hospitalized for a week due to coughing up blood; my grandmother practically raised me but i found out at 1pm from her boss that she had gone into the hosptial that morning, then to top it off it took my family until 7pm at night to tell me WHY she was. Thanks for letting me worry, its not like id realize if she had passed away or something. I drown myself in my work (currently doing 3 jobs) because i dont know how to handle things, or what to do with myself when all is falling around me. when im not working im running a adam and tommy fan page so that i can keep busy, up to date and be reminded daily of the strength and comfort theses guys bring me. And i hope with the page and this story i can share that comfort to those who need it as well. 

Adam, I love you, Not as a crush, not as a 'i wanna turn you straight' and not as a family member. but as a best friend who i know i can rely on and trust no matter how long in between "talks" no matter the distance between us. I know you'll always be there. 

Tommy, Likewise, you are like a brother, i love you and your good nature attitude and that you dont take crap from anyone, you are a prime example that if you dont like something fix it, or get rid of it. Take what you got and own it. I know if you were my brother no matter how hurtful, no matter how straight. you tell it like it is and for that i could never thank you enough. you bring balance and truth into so many peoples lives. Thank you.

comments are welcome if you'd like and if you have twitter i would be ok with this being tweeted to Adam though i doubt it would do anything.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. I know we are all drawn to Adam for one reason or other. He is a saving grace and a god to so many. To me hes like my best friend i may never see again (though ive never seen him once so lol) 

~ Krystal  
@Tarkana88


End file.
